The lights of the set slowly flicker to life revealing the desk and the couch for guests. The camera pans out to reveal a large Christmas tree beside the couch two familiar faces are decorating.
“I thought the rest of them were supposed to help. I mean this is a big tree Jimmy.” the half elf female groused as she places another ornament on the oversized tree.
Jimmy shrugs, a practiced nonchalance, and tugs a strand of silver tinsel through his fingers. “You know how it is, Selaim, union hours and all that. The rest of the gang clocks in after first rehearsal. Besides, do we really want Phelan helping with the tree? He’s gotten all twitchy since he died at Riddermound. We need someone with an eye for dramatic placement.”
Selaim rolls her eyes, but fights a smile as she balances on tiptoe to string another garish bulb onto a sagging branch. “Dramatic placement,” she repeats, nasally, as if the words taste sweet but she’s determined to keep them sour. “Remind me again, how many years did you study at the Academy of Fine Decorative Arts?”
He gives her a sheepish grin. “They wouldn’t let me in. Said my tastes were too ‘avant garde.’” He flicks a bauble, sends it spinning. “
“So when is the Boss going to start the final round of voting? I heard he already has the submissions.”
Jimmy snorts. "He has them. He just wants to make a scene out of it, you know? Big reveal, swelling music, confetti cannon, the whole bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has an extra suit made just to rip it off mid-monologue."
Selaim cocks an eyebrow, evaluating a particularly tasteless ornament, which seems to depict a reindeer being abducted by tiny green men. "Fashion is pain," she sighs, and then, after a pause, asks, "Did you turn in a ballot?"
He freezes, tinsel mid-air. "Am I allowed to vote? I thought staff votes didn’t count."
Selaim laughs—a high, tinsel-bright sound. "That’s only if the Boss suspects ballot-stuffing. I, for one, hope you voted for Mina’s. Speaking of I hope Dash can come by the set again."
Jimmy looks shifty. "Not if everyone shows up. I mean Phelan was served that Restraining Order and all. But I heard the Boss banned him from set.
Then Miales comes out of the Green Room a tumbler of egg nog in hand. “You aren’t done with the tree yet? Its time to start the vote.”
He gestures broadly, nearly sloshing egg nog on the synthetic snowdrift lining the hearth. “Audience is coming in, Jimmy. And we want the tree perfect. This is live. Show some pride.”
Jimmy gives the tree a slap on the trunk, which shakes the entire artificial pine into a nervous dither. Selaim bites the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. “That’ll do, tree. Don’t work too hard,” Jimmy says, putting up both hands in surrender.
The lights in the studio deepen, then blaze into their showtime brilliance. Through the glass, a thin crowd of seat-fillers—dragged in off the street with promises of cookies and a much-hyped celebrity cameo—shifts and settles. There’s a hiss in the air, the sound of every surface buzzing with static and anticipation.
Backstage, somewhere, someone is yelling: “Thirty seconds! Where the hell is Boss?”
“On the stage you buffoon,” Selaim. She turns to the Boss and Jimmy, “Did we seriously put Phelan in the production booth? I’m telling you that was the dumbest thing we ever did by adopting him from Quincy.”
Miales ignores her grousing “No wild and crazy intros this year. Everyone is too busy with the Holiday. We’ll just introduce them with a song about our DL ACRO Family. HIT THE MUSIC!!!”
"And here they are... what you've all been waiting for!!! The submissions for the FINAL ROUND of SEASON 2025!!!"
1. Reindeer And Santa - it's that time of year
2. Respectively Asking Santa (for Christmas donuts)
3. Raccoons Acrobatically Summersault (into our hearts with their adorableness!)
4. Reindeer Appreciation Society (Yes, even Rudolph)
5. Real Acro Strategy (Second place plays. First place deals.)
6. Relatives Are Staying? (NOOO!!!)
7. Reading And Solitude (My ideal holiday...)
8. Reminiscing About Someone (The holidays aren't the same without Grandma.)
9. Rudolph Adores Santa
10. Roast Apple Strudel (Anyone? OK then Christmas pud it is)
11. Regroup After Snacks (How I get through the day)
Remember Vote for your Favorites... In order that you most like them.
Your Most favorite gets 3 points,
2nd favorite gets 2 points,
and your third favorite earns 1 point.
As a reminder... You CAN NOT vote for your own Definition.
During the voting we will have some color commentary from the peons of Miales... Enjoy... have fun... but most of all....
A camera pans over a set in disarray. Wrapping paper and garland are strewn all over the floor. Jimmy is draped over the desk exhausted. Selaim is pushing a push broom in a futile attempt to tame the mess.From somewhere, a band fires up with a bossa nova rendition of “Carol of the Bells.” One of the trumpets is off-key and somehow ahead of the beat, lending an anxious, caffeinated energy. Miales, in a jacket aggressively sequined and buttoned almost to the throat, slides onto the stage with a master-of-ceremonies flair. “Ladies, Gentlemen, Entities and Others! Welcome to the Season Roundup of ACRO!” He spreads his arms like a showman conjuring a rainbow, and glitter bombs detonate above the stage, dropping sparking motes onto the already overburdened tree.
“Where to begin… OHHH Where to begin?” He says stalking over to the semi comatose Jimmy whom he unceremoniously dumps onto the floor.
Jimmy jumps up “Almost done Boss we’re almost done!”
Miales looks at his minion and cocks an eyebrow. “No Jimmy the season is done.”
He swaggers toward the couch, scooping an errant ornament off the floor, and wings it expertly into the branches without looking. “The votes are in. The people have spoken. And by people, I mean a curated panel of utter degenerates who braved the final campaign. Selaim, can I get a drumroll?”
Selaim, deadpan but with a trace of delight, begins drumming on the push broom—thunk thunk thunk, accompanied by the band’s shaky snare.
Miales throws himself into the chair behind the host's desk with mock gravity. “This year’s appointment to Executive Chaos Officer—” The envelope, golden and pre-slitted, emerges from his sleeve with magician’s finesse. He tears it open. For a breathless second the world holds its breath as Miales milks the pause with the expertise of a showbiz warlord.
“Mina!” he cries, and the band launches into applause-confetti.:
Jimmy is seen scrambling over the desk a mad look in his eyes. Selaim looks dumbfounded and drops the broom in a loud clatter.
Miales smiles and pulls out the second envelope. "This year's appointment to Director of Minion Reeducation-" Another golden envelope appears almost magically out of thin air.
"Aq..." Miales barely gets out before Jimmy slaps him in the back of the head.
"Jimmy what the..."
Selaim whispers. "Wrong envelopes Boss. Those are for tomorrow's meeting With Brain and Pinky."
The studio band, catching the vibe, halts their tune in a blaring, discordant crash. Offstage, a food processor gives an oddly timed whir as someone in CATERING loses all sense of subtlety. Selaim picks up the broom, mostly for something to do with her hands, and keeps her eyes on the Boss as if he might, at any moment, split into confetti himself.
Miales, momentarily thrown, blinks twice and recovers like he’s just executed the world’s most daring improv. "Strike that from the record, folks, unless you want to see the world run by genetically-engineered rodents." He tosses the offending envelope over his shoulder; it floats down, perfectly, onto the head of a bewildered seat-filler in the front row.
"Let's reset," he proclaims, clapping twice for effect.
“So where were we? Where were we? Oh the final Round. We still need to announce the results.”
"This week's Winner was Baron!! He scored an easy 15 points. Weez taking charge in Second and Maiden was close behind."
"So how does this shake up the overall title picture? Miales states looking into the camera.
"I imagine a lot Boss."
"Why Yes it does. Selaim take it from here"
"Before we reveal the winner for the 2025 Season everyone at ACRO HQ would like to take a moment to recognize one player for all the efforts he made during the season to keep a main theme for EVERY definition he submitted. I doubt it has ever been done before. But it might be attempted again."
Jimmy takes over wheeling out a large arched object draped by a white cloth on a table.
"It is our great honor to present this trophy to that individual along with a year supply of virtual tasty treats from the ACRO HQ Donut Shoppe." He pulls of the white cloth to reveal a large Donut with a plaque reading:
Dugan "Donut King Season 2025"
Miales looks up from the desk and clicks a remote. A new picture appears on the screen. The final Leaderboard.
Selaim looks up at the chart and clears her throat.
"Ah the final results."
Then a manic Wolfkin voice cuts through the studio practically screaming
"Congratulations to your Season 2025 ACRO Champion, The Season 2025 Points Champion and the winner of the Lightning in the Bottle Award:
BARON!!!
Selaim looking hurt whispers, "But that was my line"
Jimmy finally speaks up. "All three?"
"All three... New season.. Season 26... starts soon. Whenever Baron gets away from the holiday feast and starts it but before then there are a few announcements that will be posted. In the mean time have a Happy rest of your Holidays!!!
All animals depicted in this are fictitious. No animals were harmed in this production. Except Phelan. We tortured Phelan repeatedly throughout the season. And enjoyed it. Immensely. Normally it was merely listening to audiobooks read by Elmer Fudd but then we got sinister and forced him watch home videos of himself and his older brothers. Unlike Phelan they are smart. Ha!!!
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