DreamLyrics™ Play-by-Post Forums Front of House Our Community Review Film TV What =were= they thinking?

OK ... I was one of the first to say that Sharknado was one of the worst movies ever. I take it back. Sharknado 2 just showed up on netflix and I am here to tell you that I think it would have been more 'acceptable' as annime than a movie. And to make matters worse, I see that Sharknado 3 is slated to show up next year <sigh>

Of course, I =did= have to watch the =whole= thing <wink>

Don't forget Zombeaver... having just seen the trailer, I really have to wonder what they were thinking.

I'm many years behind on watching the good stuff, how do you guys manage to watch crap?

Would you believe it's part of my job?

The reason they made Sharknado 2 and 3 is exactly because people watched Sharknado 1!!

People had parties to watch 2 - with shark cupcakes and all!

I've watched Plan 9 From Outer Space multiple times. Even had my own VHS copy of it.

It's best watched with others where heckling may occur.

Always had to admit, Plan 9 was so bad it was funny.

ok ... lets see, Sharknado 2, how do I hate thee ... lemme count the ways ...

1.) I have never seen a single report of a shark 'jumping' out of the water to get a meal ... =EVER=

2.) the 'tornado' is picking sharks up out of the waters outside of NYC? WTF, last I heard, there are =NO= sharks in that part of the atlantic.

3.) It was great seeing Judd Hirsch doing something <g>

4.) The head of the statue of liberty is rolling down the street in manhattan ...
a.) how the eff did it 'bridge the gap' between the liberty island and manhattan ...
b.) if you saw someting rolling down the street, why would you try to outrun it ... vs moving perpendicular to the direction of travel ??? I guess there is no limit on stupid ... especially in a movie like this

5.) a 'tornado' that 'floods' manhattan?
a.) Sorry, that is =NOT= how a tornado works.
b.) Then there is the problem of the 'standing water'. the water would 'leak' into the subways and sewers.
c.) why was only part of the city under 4 feet of water? The city is pretty 'level'.

6.) 'walking' across sharks ... swimming in the water? no effin' way.

7.) the 'explosive' power of a few propane tanks is able to 'dissipate' a tornado? Never mind that his 'bombs' would never really work IRL.

8.) Ummmm ... how does water 'flood' a stairwell from the bottom up when there isn't any water that deep outside of the building?

9.) so since a few small propane tanks rigged as bombs didn't work they are gonna use freon? Hell, for one thing it is a banned substance. Other than that, if dumping a couple of tanks of freon would dissipate a tornado, why the heck aren't we terminating tornados all over the country?

10.) do I have to mention shark riding? <sigh>

11.) based on the number of sharks that seemed to be falling, there should not be any sharks left in the northern hemisphere.

I could go on, but that would only be nit picking <weg>

It's raining sharks?


Wait, this isn't really true?
Another illusion shattered!

There was another =bad= SF movie in which the 'mega shark' lept from the ocean and snagged a 747 from the air <shrug> I have no respect for 'their' movies any more <sigh>

Uhm not to give any credence to a bad movie that I haven't watched - so I shall not comment on its quality - to answer your question its all a matter of dumping water into the stair well faster than it can drain out beneath the door undercuts, jamb and head clearances ... which, having seen sprinkler pipes become traitorous, can happen ...

It doesn't last for long, especially if the doors, which usually swing out, pop open.

And yah, they do get the occasional shark off of Coney Island. More so now, since the great white population is on the upswing - which believe it or not is actually good news. They had a spate of bad luck when one of the few predators more dangerous than they decided to go after them for sport.

Sorry, don't buy it. How does a 'tornado' drop water =and= sharks into the stairwell of a high rise?

ah, but that wasn't the question!

tornados behaving in silly ways is a whole different thing!

not =tor=nados ... it's =shark=nados <weg>

Am I missing something? Are you discussing verisimilitude about something like Sharknado? Um do I need to see if your brains are leaking out of your ears?

After having watched Sharknado 2 ... my brains =could= very well be leaking from my ears <wink>

Of course there was stonenado...

Just substitute sharks for boulders

We don't talk about Stonados!!

Watch out for mangoes; they're the really dangerous things! This is one of my favorite poems and reading this thread reminded me of it.


Problems with Hurricanes
by Victor Hernández Cruz

A campesino looked at the air
And told me:
With hurricanes it’s not the wind
or the noise or the water.
I’ll tell you he said:
it’s the mangoes, avocados
Green plantains and bananas
flying into town like projectiles.

How would your family
feel if they had to tell
The generations that you
got killed by a flying
Banana.

Death by drowning has honor
If the wind picked you up
and slammed you
Against a mountain boulder
This would not carry shame
But
to suffer a mango smashing
Your skull
or a plantain hitting your
Temple at 70 miles per hour
is the ultimate disgrace.

The campesino takes off his hat—
As a sign of respect
toward the fury of the wind
And says:
Don’t worry about the noise
Don’t worry about the water
Don’t worry about the wind—
If you are going out
beware of mangoes
And all such beautiful
sweet things.

All we need is a bad movie in thie vein directed by Uwe Boll....

Blubbernado?

Watch it with a 6 year old. It's imminently more entertaining that way.

mike...





shark jumping out of water in pursuit of a meal

as for Sharks in north eastern atlantic waters: I grew up in New jersey- we had hammerheads around the beach waters a lot. and even had Great White scares. I have actually been in the water and saw a hammerhead swim through the shallows nearby. I distinctly remember running across the top of the water to get to the beach.

as for great whites- Jaws took place in Massachusetts and if that's not proof enough...

here's a story from the NY post:

http://nypost.com/2014/06/27/third-great-white-shark-caught-off-nyc-in-a-week/



anyway, if those two things are true, then I have to believe that sharknado is actually a documentary (wink)

That illustrates my point very well, thanks <g>

The shark started chasing the seal while it was still swimming =under= water. The shark did not see a seal flying above the water and then leap up to catch it. Now if you can find a video that shows a shark leaping like that to catch a pelican or the like as it is flying above the water, I will concede the point to you <weg>

I get the impression that the Sci Fi channel rather relies on the silliness of some of their stuff to keep audiences happy - bring back MST3K! From memory there have been other equally daft films from this stable involving

- Giant cybernetic crocodiles
- A giant Piranha snake thing
- A shark crossed with an octopus (with the imaginative name of Sharktopus)

Watched all of them - all completely bonkers but still entertaining!


I believe the pic of the shark leaping for the helicopter diver has been debunked as fake a while ago.

Oh and don't forget all those movies where people and buildings are able to be frozen solid in seconds. They seem to really like that one. I have seen it in several of their movies <sigh>

I am waiting for Croca-Panda-Saurus the Movie! It looks like a large cuddly panda.. until it eats Tokyo.

Or, Platypusygeddon. The name says it all.

Hmmmm I'd watch those ... or maybe I have already seen them! <weg>

I wonder if this is simply the New Generation's version of Pulp?

* omigosh ... a serious speculation! *

Ann Coulter will play the Vice President in Sharknado3.

I have no words.

I am trying very hard not to have any words as well <g>

And I'm trying not to read them. Ignorance is bliss!

If ignorance was bliss, Ann Coulter would be the world's biggest blister.

OOooo new candidate for worst SF ever ... Icetastrophy <chuckle>

It just came to me ... the name for the movie genre embodied by movies like the above: 'Science Make Believe' <chuckle>

Well I have just seen my new candidate for worst movie ever ... RoboShark <sigh> It must have been a direct to Netflix movie since it has a July 2015 release date. Sadly it seems like the USA network was feeling left out of SyFy's shark insanity <shrug>

OK ... I need to add another. I just watched 'Three Headed Shark' <sigh> A new low in stupidity. Parts of it reminded me of Zombie Lake, one of the all time bad movies. Lets see ...

1.) a shark with 3 heads seem to be able to 'flatten' it's body so that it can swim in about 18 inches of water and still 'leap' into the air to 'come down' on a fellow

2.) it is apparently able to 'sink' an entire under water research facility but cannot manage to take out a small motor boat

3.) the research facility is apparently an island and ... also apparently, the 3 headed shark is able to sink islands ... well, technically it is an atol <g>

4.) at one point they are trying to save 'all the folks' on a 'tour boat' that is 4 to 5 times the size of their 'small motor boat'. After they lose several their original group, the 'institute' survivors only manage to save two out of the entire 20+ 'tourists' on the boat.

And that is just the start.

The only redeeming part of the movie is that it has <sigh> Danny Trejo. But I have to wonder if he needed the money ... or he lost a bet to get cast in the movie.

After automatic weapons fire fails to take out the beast, Danny manages to kill it with his machete <chuckle> This is the same shark that was big enough and bad enough to scuttle an under water facility. Unfortunately, Cutting off a head was not enough to kill it. Apparently it was 'playing dead' and waited for a chance to 'get' Danny. Oh, did I mention that once you cut off a head it grows two more? Can you say 'hydra-shark'? I mean WTF, it is supposed to be a Science Fiction ... not Science 'Fantacy' <sigh>

That does sound a 'good' candidate!

Next candidate ... is it just me or do there seem to be =waaay= to many of these? <sigh>

I find it =very= disappointing that such a badly written movie could be made in 2015 <sigh>

So it is a 'thriller'/'disaster' movie. 4 underwater oil workers go down to 650' to work on an oil pipeline and bad things happen. Their 'tender' ship sinks, now what? A pretty straight forward plot ... who will survive, what will they do to survive and so on. That is where the good news ends.

Starting with the little things ...

They spend a lot of time on the 'radio' talking to ships on the surface. Radio? Underwater? Not in =this= reality. The Navy has been working with all manner of alternative methods to communicate with subs and the like.

Beacon. Where to start here ... remember we are doing this in 2015 ... but apparently
1.) you have to be withing 750' of the their 'live saving' beacon in order to pick up it's signal. But they are 650 feet down. Not much 'margin' for 'finding' then from =that= signal.

2.) they come up with the 'brilliant idea' to detach the beacon from the bell and 'float' it to the surface. Gee it has only been 50+ years since divers had figured out that the beacon needs to be on the surface, so it is 'detachable', attached to a cable and allowed to float to the surface <shrug>

3.) apparently the 'modified' beacon had to have a manual switch to activate ... so that they diver has to remove his diving glove ... in the 'heard' of jelly fish ... so that they could sting him? <sigh>

Beacon vs Radio: Apparently, in their reality, radio goes for =MILES= underwater while the life saving beacon can only go 750 feet? Was this system designed by suicidal idiots?

Tether followers vs blind hiking - This one strikes me a lot like the 'lets hide behind the curtain of chainsaws' decision. They are running out of air. They know that the ship they are tethered to sank and that ship will have spare air tanks. One guy ... the most frail guy, decides to go to the ship for air ... but fails to make it to the ship before 'expiring'. So ... random plot twist ... apparently the company that build the pipeline ... remember the pipeline? that was what they were down there to fix ... had apparently 'stashed' air tanks at various spots along the route. OK ... another note - the tether ship had been 'pulling' the bell up because there was a storm coming, right? That was when it sank. So ... lets review ... starting at a depth of 650', being pulled up ... so has to be less than 650' between the bell and the ship, right? The next guy decides to go the opposite direction for a place that is more like thousands of feet away (and dragging the 'umbilical' that connects to the bell for air and comm) ???? He deserved his pointless death when the 'tether' runs out 'feet' from the spare air ... right? <sigh>

But here's the biggie for me. The crew leader says that they cannot 'drop ballast' and float to the surface because the bell might 'explode' from the pressure. He goes on and on about this through out the whole movie. However, in the beginning of the movie, they pressurize the bell while it is still on the ship. So how is that a problem?? Here is why I think this is the 'deal breaker' for me. I can more easily accept a 'movie' ignoring 'reality', being 'stupid' or the like as long as they are consistent about it. It =is= just a movie after all ( OK .. it does still bugs me <g> ). But in this 'pressure problem', they are ignoring the reality that =THEY= established at the start of the movie <sigh>

I am reluctant to mention the title, but in the interest of possibly saving others from this drivel, 'Pressure' is the title.

Good review Mike, I certainly won't be watching it!

Then my work here is done <chuckle>

Whatever happened to honest schlock like "Night of the Lepus" that never tried to take itself too seriously?

Dave and Tucker ... Shawn of the Dead ... all of the Evil Dead films ... they =are= out there <wink>

well of course everyone knows sinking a ring shaped coral reef is no trouble atoll.





<runs and hides ...>

<heh heh heh> you are so =very= bad wolf <g>

I applaud punnery like that.

OK ... I admit that this was probably a 'bottomless pit' <sigh> So here is the next 'what were they thinking' ...

Kung Fury. To be fair, I might have 'bought into' this of it had been an anime. but as a 'live action' movie it just seemed ... 'stupud' <sigh>

I think the low-quality, cheesy-to-the-max live action just reinforces what they're doing.

But of course the real reason for it all is that the creator made it with himself and friends, which is even cheaper than low-end animation.

To be fair ... I get that these guys have a 'vision' and want to share it with all of us <g>

Unfortunately all of us are not able to 'share' the vision <wink>

Mike,
Have you seen Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark?

Oh the joys of having a young child in the house with a shark obsession. So glad dinosaurs and Star Wars takes higher priority.

wasn't there a Godzilla movie like that ...

Yeah. That one was pretty bad too ividia <sigh> And yes, Wolf it was a pretty blatant rip of of that 'classic' <g>

Mike, I think what pained me more was seeing Teal'c in it and one of the DAs from Law & Order.

<heh heh heh> Yeah. I got a similar 'vibe' watching David Tennant as the sociapathic-narcissist bad guy in Jessica Jones (which is not to say it is a bad series, BTW <g>)

Teal'c was in Sharknado 3 too. But then everyone was trying to be in those bad movies. Heck even Lou Ferrigno was in a bit part.

OK ... here is a new candidate for 'what were they thinking'.

'Rubber'

The sordid tale of a tire that turned to the life of a serial killer for no apparent reason.

Honest, that is the plot. And if that was all that was going on I wouldn't have mentioned it. But I have to say that ... over all, there were some very fun ideas thrown into the movie. My only =real= complaint is that the movie was just a bit long. It is certainly worth a look if you saw the 'fun' in Sharknado 3.

Here is the trailer.

Heh, saw it a long time ago, it is just silly.

Yes, in a way similar to how Monty Python is 'just silly' <g> IMHO, it isn't =quite= as 'funny' as MP, but there are some similar thought processes.

This dovetails with the post apocalyptic vibe we have been discussing.

Bounty Killer movie

Yes, a 'fun' movie with a bit of a Mad Max sort of vibe.

And just when you thought it was safe to go back to NetFlix ...

'Avalanche Sharks' shows up <sigh>

"Candygram!"

"Mongo loves candy!"

Ohhh Nooo ... so much worse than that!!! Worse than any of the Sharknado movies!!! You would have to suffer through it to appreciate how bad it really is!!!