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#1021500 Mon 01/11/21 23:34 UTC
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Mariel was in one of the few places she could usually be found when not at a class or in the office, in her library. Sitting with a book open on the table in front of her, but not actually reading it, as she seemed to be thinking.

In this light, she could see a certain similarity in her face to both Nyx and Alchemy. Subtle, but it was there. Demeanor was perhaps another thing entirely.

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence entered the library with the hope of finding a quiet place. She wanted to see if there were any books related to the science of who and what she was. She had read everything she could find, both in hard copy and online, but Dark Matter and dark Energy science was almost completely theoretical... unless of course you live a life shifting in and out of it, then it was very real. Maybe one day she would write her own book, maybe when she actually understood it better than trial and error.

She opened the door quietly, only enough to slip in, turning around to close the door just as quietly. Slowly she closed the door, trying to keep from making any noises that someone in the hallway might hear. The latch bolt clicked as Cadence held her breath. She paused a moment before releasing the knob. Only then did she exhale and turn back around to truly survey the room.

Her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widened, and she froze in place. Mariel was sitting at the table, facing her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'll come back another time..."

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Mariel

She looks up and smiles slightly.

“Cadence, it may be my house but in the end you are a guest, and you are welcome in the library. No apologies needed. I’m not succeeding in reading the book anyway. Perhaps I can help you find what you are looking for? I spent a lot of time in here growing up, both before and after father.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence looked around the room as mariel spoke, maybe trying to avoid eye contact. Carver had really been the first adult, instructor... or guard, or warden... whatever. He was the first one that made her feel comfortable enough to open up a bit. He didn't talk down to her like Sanderson (or stare at her like she was a puzzle to be solved), or try to teach her some deep insightful philosophical crap about how she was just a person trying to live life with world destroying abilities. Okay, cadence knew that wasn't true. In their own ways, these adults were just trying to find a way to reach her, Carver didn't seem to try. He just was.

"Umm... I thought maybe, if there was any books on being me that I haven't read... then... well, maybe they'd be here in the place where a freak like me is being kept." Now she was being too hard on herself and she knew it. A couple philosophical speeches wasn't going to get her to forgive herself though.

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Mariel

She regards her for a time before speaking in a mild voice.

“Perhaps, Cadence, you might allow that a freak like me understands, at least in some small way, a freak like you. Some of the scale might not be the same, but trust me, I know. I’ve been a freak on a leash. I’ve experienced the family tree. I’ve been molded to be a tool. I’m not going to dismiss what you feel. I’m not Grey, I don’t do deep philosophy and self help all that well. I’m not Carver who … well, he’s who he is. I’m also not going to lecture you at this point. What I can do is listen, and talk. Can we do that, and see how it goes?”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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"I killed people," Cadence said bluntly. "And it wasn't by accident..."

That was her opening statement and she let it hang there. Grey had spoken valuable words to helped her understand herself. Carver gave her a sense of clarity about who she could be. She carried the guilt and the shame, and the recognition that the idea of being changed or altered by her 9 months of captivity and the resulting act of of independence that took many innocent lives might not be a accurate as she wanted to believe. The doubts that lingered revolved around the sense that those nine months were an awakening of who she had truly been created to become. Or maybe that too was all part of the brainwashing that had left her a screwed up mess.

Cadence had tested every adult, be they wrapped in the garb of counselor, teacher, or scientist dissecting a lab rat, who came before her. Her mindset now was to help Hadasha, if she could. She felt redemption and forgiveness was out of reach, including that of forgiving herself. But Hadasha had an innocence and a perseverance that touched Cadence and reminded her that there was light in dark places if you keep looking. Cadence wanted Dash to find a bit of that light.

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Mariel

She pauses a long while ago and nods.

“Killing leaves a scar on you that doesn’t go away, that much is certain. I got my scar with my father - your grandfather. It leaves a mark. It separates you from anyone who hasn’t done the same. You have done something which is irreversible. That you can’t change or take back. That you did it takes up permanent residence in your brain. It really doesn’t go away. Even if you did it more than twenty years ago, even if you have had occasion to do it since, it sticks with you. I’ll tell you though - I wouldn’t want to know someone who it didn’t stick with.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence listened as Mariel related a grim assessment of the toll that such actions exacted from those who had committed such a terrible act.If she was hoping for something inspirational, maybe even motivational... this was not it.

"I can tell you were never a cheerleader. Not even close to a cat hanging from a tree with some quip about not giving up... or whatever."

Cadence shrugged, though. Her own dark humor in the midst of her grim feelings about how her actions were irredeemable, especially in the eyes of God, allowed her keep an anchor on her sanity. She couldn't even forgive herself, so hoping for that from others was well beyond the reach of hope.

"But, I will say I am thinking less and less about suicide... so... that's something, right? I mean, I begged you guys to kill me... that didn't happen... And compounding sin with more sin doesn't seem like a good use of angst and self loathing."

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Mariel

“I never went to school until after I left father. Still, I don’t think my future would have included cheerleading, no. The resultant interaction might have been very much like matter and antimatter. And cheerleader viscera is very hard to clean off of the walls.”

She leans back and rubs her forehead.

“Can you accept for the moment, Cadence, that my main interest in you is you? I do feel a responsibility in my own way. That I didn’t somehow do something to reign in Alchemy and Nyx while I had the chance, when it still would have been manageable. That the lives you and Anne have lived are at least partly my responsibility. That at that time, when I could have made a difference in your futures I was too full of myself and my own woes. That when I finally … acted … against father I failed to account for what letting loose both Alchemy and Nyx on the world unsupervised would bring. Technically, I could say that I was just a teenager and such things should not be my responsibility - but that really doesn’t work when you are trying to excuse yourself to yourself, does it? They are family. I have a responsibility. You are family. I have a responsibility. And it isn’t a responsibility that you have to, or even can earn. It just is. Can you accept that, in the end, and work with me? I don’t want to lose more.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence turned her attention to the walls of books as Mariel was speaking. She looked back a few times at the woman who called Cadence 'family' while Mariel was speaking. She had come looking for any book or paper on Dark Matter and Dark Energy that she hadn't already read. Most of what was available in the libraries of the Normals was theoretical. But maybe Mariel had something more useful, something Cadence hadn't read already.

"I'm not a cheerleader either... not anymore," she said distractedly at the very end.

"As for working with you..."

Cadence shrugged, "I won't work against you, but I don't see how I will ever be able to use these..." She paused, pursing her lips as she clenched her teeth, "...these God Forsaken powers in a fight against anyone... ever. Like I told Grey and Carver, I am going to try to help Hadasha, so maybe that's all I can offer you right now."

Cadence turned back away from Mariel as she walked along the length of the shelves, her attention focused back on the books. But the, she stopped, looked back at her biological Aunt.

"We're not family. Alchemy isn't my mother. Family is more than biology and genetic manipulation. Alchemy killed my family, my friends, and everyone I cared about... Family is more than blood and dark energy. Family is people in your life who want you in theirs, people who would protect you, and put your needs above theirs. Family is people who love you, people you can trust to always be there when you need them most, no matter what."

"That's not you and me," she added with a shake of her head and a shrug. A simple truth spoke through a great deal of personal pain and anger that has been tamped down as much as she could.



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Mariel:

“Honestly, Cadence, I don’t care if you use them against someone else, or in a fight, ever. I think you should probably learn how to use them. At the least to the degree that knowing how they work would enable you to not have them use you. but that is, indeed, a personal choice. As for family. You may not view me that way, but that does not alter my views. That does not alter what I will do. I and I alone determine who and what I am willing to risk myself for. Believe me or not as you will, but there it is. You are, from my perspective, family, with all the responsibilities that entails.”

She pauses, gets up and moves to the shelves.

“I think where you might start is here.”

She pulls out one book.

“It is where I have been stuck on the matter of Hadassha. I had been trying to noodle out if there was a way my limited field interaction could somehow adjust her balance, but was getting nowhere.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence Watched Mariel move effortlessly, with confidence, to the bookshelf. Her 'Aunt' seemed so comfortable with herself, her power, and her self-alluded past. Cadence wished she could have that for herself, but Mariel was much farther along in a journey than herself. And cadence could only see the 'trees', not the 'forest'. That little saying was something her father used to say a lot... That, and "This too shall pass". In this moment, she could not see the metaphorical horizon to know when the anger and self hate would lessen. All she could do was focus on helping one person, and maybe in the process help herself a little by helping another.

She waited for Mariel to offer the book, or say more about it. But something Mariel said at the end caught her attention. Maybe Mariel said it on purpose as a way to engage with Cadence. 9 months with Alchemy and Nyx torturing her mentally and physically taught her pick up on the cues people use to navigate a conversation. Mariel seemed to be doing it to find a way to connect. Alchemy did it to control and manipulate. Maybe Mariel was really using her 'power' for good.

It worked. "Maybe... maybe that's because you don't exist in all four states at once...."

She wanted to say more. There was more to say. The followup corollary from her father... 'It all starts with one step at time along the forest path to find your way home." He used to say that was his own version of something from old dead dude from China named Confucius... or maybe another old dead dude who knew this guy, Confucius.

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Mariel

She opens the book.

“This book was the personal notes of my father. A brilliant man. Broken glass, sharp edges - but brilliant. It contains his personal observations on his own power, and that of his daughters and how they interact. I have added my own observations. I am hoping that it may be of use to you.”

“I see and manipulate as through a gauze. I interact, it even suffuses me. I can feel it - but it is a second order control. My daughter, perhaps sees a few aspects I do not - but then again does not see some which I do. I can move between states and phases, suffusing and changing matter and altering its state, but the fine control of how that energy interacts with Hadassha - that eludes me. I think my power set leans closer to the realms which Nyx moves in than those of alchemy, although the application is different. I think, perhaps, Hadassha is closer to me in that the energy is being used to directly alter her state. In my case I alter how I or other things interact with normal matter. In her case, the connection fuels her speed. In my case I don’t seem to suffer from the … leakage … she does. I think the overflow, or slosh if you will, of her energies are interacting badly with her systems. To some degree it is as if Nyx were focusing her attention on her, causing advanced imbalance and entropy.”

She rubs her temples.

“I ramble. But does any of that make sense?”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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At the mention of a daughter, Cadence shifted a little. Uncertainty, perhaps. Another teenager to watch and worry about? There were already too many here for Cadence to feel safe. Maybe that number had to be less than two for the former Texas high school cheer captain. Everything was gone... Nyx and Alchemy made certain to kill and destroy everything that she loved, everything that made her feel safe. Entropy was jut a word, Nyx and Alchemy made her understand the reality of it for the next 9 months after that day.

"I don't know... maybe..."

You are, from my perspective, family, with all the responsibilities that entails.

Cadence didn't know who to trust. It was simpler, easier to trust no one... ever again.

It all starts with one step at time along the forest path to find your way home.

She looked at the book, then at Mariel. It might hold real answers. Not the hypothetical theories of scientists who never wielded the power and energy. But she also glanced at the door. Running was the easy answer. It felt safe. Accepting the book created risk. Opening up to Mariel... her biological aunt... required trust.

The book. Mariel. The door.

"They only taught me what they wanted me to know. Only what they needed from me. They taught me how to be a weapon. Alchemy didn't love me. I was a tool to her and Nyx. I don't think either of them are capable of love. I think I was always a science experiment to Alchemy. She found someone to use who had powers she wanted in order to make me. Like, maybe there was a plan all along... step by step to create me..."

Cadence fought the need to cry, the need to feel emotion. Emotions were a weakness. They had taught that through their words and actions toward her. Weakness was intolerable. Weakness was failure. But she felt the emotions even as she tried to stifle them.

"And I did what they wanted. I can say they made me do it... But I still did it..."

She exhaled slowly and snuffled a little as a shiver passed through her quite visibly.

"Everything I learned beyond the beat-downs that were part of Nyx's sadistic training in fighting.... and the cruel mental abuse from Alchemy... I learned on my own. Which is very little. I... I can see all of it in front of me... Like, there is so much more... Like, Alchemy had no idea what she actually created to get what she wanted."

The dam started to break as tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. Her hands were shaking and it was spreading throughout her body as she tried to wrap her arms around herself to make it stop.

"I'm scared... Mariel. I don't know what to do with this power. I don't want it. I never wanted it."

"I don't know who to trust. And I don't think anyone will ever trust me... and maybe they shouldn't... But I'm lost... and I'm sorry for all the pain and hurt I caused.... I truly am.... I just... I... I can't fix it... I need to fix something... a single step to find my way back."

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Mariel

She leans in and looks straight into her eyes with intensity.

“What is important for you to know, Cadence … is that is not what is happening now. That is not what I am going to do. I will trust you. Maybe you will say I shouldn’t, but I will nonetheless . I will try to help you fix something. Cadence … you can never fix the past. The past is written in stone and cannot be altered. The future is always in flux and never guaranteed. The only thing you can alter with any certainty is today. So how about we concentrate on today. And today, we will try to help Hadassah. Start small, your single step.”

She looked like she wanted to reach it and hug her but at the same time, didn’t want to drive her away.

“You won’t drive me away, and I won’t give up on you Cadence. Today you need to start defining yourself as yourself, not what they tried to make you. You can never let them define you. You cannot let anyone define you but yourself. “

There was much of the same intensity she had seen in Alchemy … yet here it seemed entirely different. Cadence was a subject of the intensity not its object, a ‘who’ rather than a ‘what’.

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence nodded. It was an acceptance of the words she was hearing. It was understanding of the words she was hearing. It was a step closer to believing the words she was hearing. She kept nodding, as though she were reinforcing her efforts to believe Mariel's words, yet oblivious to how it might appear to be nodding for nearly a minute.

Finally she exhaled and realized that the world around her was still there. She looked at Mariel and whispered, "Thank you." She lanced at the book that Mariel has opened and spoke about. It probably had more information, real information, about Dark Matter and Dark Energy that any thing she had ever found written by scientists who could only theorize about it.

"Trusting someone means taking a step toward them," she offered tentatively. "I... I will give you a powers test. Anyone can be there... And I will... I will take anyone who wants, anyone who can be phased... to go through the 'states' with me so they can see what I see... in my every waking moment."

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Mariel

She nods a little bit, stands, and pours another cup of tea, offering one to cadence.

“The most useful, actually, would likely be seeing what you see. Having context and understanding. Understanding for me, understanding for what can be done for Hadassa, for my daughter, for Anne - for anyone who has a connection to the family oddity.’

She pauses.

“Out of us, I think I am most likely to be able to alter my state in a way that would enable me to ‘come along’. Perhaps I might try to find a way to bring Carver. He has a way with understanding fields and energy patterns. Even if he didn’t make you uncomfortable- which is reason enough to not include him - Eric’s … unique … abilities would I suspect render it a moot point. Your abilities, mine, anyone else’s really, would fail to work on him.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence shook her head at the off of a cup of tea. Maybe if there was an ice-cold bottle of Dr Pepper, then that would a different story. You can take the girl out of Texas but you can't take Texas out of the girl.

There was that mention of her daughter again. Also of Anne, Nyx's daughter... right? Cadence had spoken with her only briefly, but yeah, Nyx's daughter. Cadence might have to compare notes with her about 'training' experiences with her mom. And Hadasha... was she also 'family'?

"Phasing might not be needed to see what's there. I'm not sure. Phasing like you do, I think that will help you see 'more' of it. And that might help you understand. But the others might be able to experience it too... if they want... I think, like, because I can take my clothes with me and anything I am carrying... I convert it when I shift across, like a field affect. I'm not sure I'm using the right word... shift... phase... It's like second nature to me... I just do it... So, I'm thinking that if someone was in contact with me.... Maybe?"

"And for Dr Eric," she added in the colloquial southern fashion. "I will offer it to him... If he can turn it off... And is willing to trust me as I am trusting him... Then, maybe he cam learn more about how to shut me down if he needs to."

She glanced down at the ankle bracelet, still not convinced it would actually stop her, since so much of what she did was internalized. Maybe she was wrong. She really didn't understand how he did what he did either.

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Mariel

“If he really tried, I think he could likely shut you down. I’m not sure what it would do to him, but he, at least one on one, is pretty potent. Sometimes, more potent than he is comfortable with. For some people, suppressing their powers also can cause injury. Or, in some circumstances, death. But if you wish, I will talk to him.”

She pauses a brief moment.

“I was almost wondering what the effect might be if you took Hadassah with you? Would the process alter her balance? Would seeing things give her some understanding that might help her better control? I mean, they just slapped this onto her with no semblance of training - leaving her to try to figure out how to deal with it. I’m not sure how to train her, but might training of some sort enable her to establish some balance on her own - if she can be made to understand what is actually happening?”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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"Maybe I should ask him..."

"...ummm, with you there, to ummm... support," Cadence added after a pause for consideration of her own courage.

The topic moved to Hadassah and finding a way to help her 'in-between'.

"I think she would have to hold onto me because.... she can't control her... phasing." Phasing was Mariel's word. Cadence had come to think of it as shifting, but Mariel's word was probably a better one. "From n there she and I might be able t see things better... so i guess Yes.... maybe.... I don't really know until we try."

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“Very well, Cadence. If you wish to talk to Eric, I’ll arrange it. And of course, I’ll be there. I need to be able to threaten him, after all.”

She smiles slightly, and winks.

“I think I intimidate him at least a little, for some reason.”

She continues more seriously.

“Besides. If we are going to try this, it is probably easiest if I am involved. I imagine that, properly applied, my power can make the process easier.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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Cadence took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. ... a single step to find my way back.

She nodded.

"The test... with you and me shif.... phasing to the middle... and whoever wants to be there is fine with me... and if Dr Eric wants to see what's on the other side... we'll do that too."

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Mariel

“So. Let’s have dinner, and I will figure out the mechanics of things and then we will get together. When you read that.”

She motions to the book.

“Keep in mind that in his own way father was every bit as crazy as Alchemy or Nyx. Take it for it’s worth as observations. There are also some observations there which are … personal to me. About me. I rarely read them myself. I am trusting in you to do so as you see fit.”

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Cadence Marie Weathers
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"Dinner?" It was a question to herself, a realization that she really had no idea what time it was. She refocused herself on Mariel and nodded, "Sorry... I get a little lost sometimes."

She glanced at the book and then back to Mariel. "I will be very careful with the book and I'm not any kind of gossip."

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Mariel

She speaks very quietly

“We all get a little lost sometimes. I’m not worried about you gossiping, Cadence. I just want you to consider that sometimes a parent’s opinions on their child is … less than perfect. I think you can understand. Back then not everything about me was … pleasant. I like to believe I don’t know that person who would be in that book anymore.”

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