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Anne

"I have to say I long for simplicity, yet I understand that is not an option. I am excited by what I can do, it is new, it is novel, it is a bunch of feelings I can't describe. Yet it is confounding too.

"I guess my thought to see if my power goes someplace else than my mother's is because I want to be something more. I also don't want to be limited by my mother's choices. You know that just from our first introduction.

"I guess I am just running over the same ground, the same thoughts I went through that very evening. I appreciate the counsel. Just talking with someone who has a similar viewpoint. I won't be able to resolve my own teenage tendencies. I do believe we are required to have angst in every moment. I am fulfilling my duty." She smiled and took another sip.

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Grey:

“I think, Anne, I understand much about you. Mariel likely understands other things. I’ll give you a hint though. Teenage angst never goes away. We adults just get better at hiding and sublimating it.”

She offers a rare smile.

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Anne

She swallowed lightly almost allowing her drink to catch in her throat. The smile she was offered was a surprise and felt good. She hadn't felt that emotion in a bit. It had been a turbulent set of days to say the least.

"At least there is hope," she admitted.

"What comes next?" She inquired.

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“What comes next. Is you learn how to use what you can do for your own purposes. For purposes that don’t limit you to your mother. That let you be “more” for whatever definition of more offers fulfillment. I would suggest, perhaps, Mariel or Carver for you. They relate to what you can do most.”

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Anne

"Either or both seem reasonable. Since we are all unique there will have to be experimentation. But you knew that hence the suggestion.

"This is probably a stupid question but how will I know what fulfills me? I assume it is something more than personal satisfaction."

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Grey:

“A question for you, Anne. What in your life so far has been most disappointing or frustrating. When did you feel your greatest sense of purpose and self determination?”

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Anne

"I am a teenager, my life has been lackluster moving between avoidance and punishment." She shrugged.

After a moment she continues "but I didn't want my mother's plan to succeed at the cost of those she had chosen to use. I felt good that I didn't take a life, but I felt bad that I didn't actually do anything." She shrugged again.

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“So then could you possibly say, Anne, that you wish to be an actor rather than acted upon. To learn how to be able to effect the world. You have been a candle in the wind, flickering the way the winds blew you. Feed your own flame.”

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Anne

She frowns, whether it is from her words or the fact that they are so cliched isn't clear. She does nod though accepting the advice. It is true she wishes to choose her destiny, evident by so many of the decisions she has made in just the last few days.

"Discovery is certainly part of that. One needs to have an idea of what is possible, to be able to even chart a course. Not saying I have to know what is out there, more like the cardinal directions, so that I can choose to seek out my New World." If Grey can use cliches, then she can, which draws a small tight-lipped smirk onto her young face.

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The smirk is returned.

“Believe it or not, Anne, I was young once. I had my own identity issues, my issues of goals. But the important thing is that no one can really impose those goals on you. They need to come from you. Not even from here.”

She points at her head.

“But from there. From your gut.”

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Anne

"I get that. I am sure that I can continue to make my choices that seem to align with my current feelings. I just am concerned that I will one day look back and not be happy with the forks in the road that I chose to take because I didn't look far enough ahead." Again she shrugged. So many questions, and no real idea as to what the answers will entail.

"I know that I don't want to be my mother. That is enough for now. Life is important to me, and I don't choose to take it nonchalantly. Heck, I am not even sure if I could kill if I had to. Certainly, I didn't the first night, even though that is what I went there to do. I thought I was willing to commit Matricide to save people I didn't even know. Yet in the heat of the moment, it didn't happen. I am both happy and sad about that because I still don't know where I stand in the big picture."

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Grey:

“You stand where you choose to. You will kill if you have to and your conscience allows. That is enough - when the time comes you will know what you are willing to do. The fact that you don’t take it lightly is proof that you are not your mother. You have by nature what I had to impose upon myself by force of will.”

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Anne

The word choice interested her. "Am I not imposing my choice? I am not sure that any of us are inherently killers or not. I suspect that it is easier for some than it is for others. The not looking forward to see what it is that it means. In my case I know that what I do with the power I have affects things in ways I can't even imagine. In that sense I am concerned about what taking a life means because there are things about life that I can't see or completely understand. It isn't a soul thing, I am sure that is part of the equation. It is more like if there is so much power in a life, that can be used for something. Then it has to mean something more. Anyway, that is the equation in my head that makes me hesitate and choose not to take life lightly."

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Grey:

She pauses.

“Anne, when I say that I imposed my will on myself, I mean exactly that. I quite literally decided I needed to be different than I was and then … edited … my own mind to impose the ethics I thought I should have on myself. When I say that I changed my mind, I mean it quite literally. I did to myself what I would now find quite unethical if I did it to someone else. That isn’t an option you have. You have to bargain with yourself, make choices the old fashioned way. It can be all too easy to win an argument when you can just skip the stage of convincing someone and instead just change their mind to meet your expectations and desires.”

She looks into Anne’s eyes.

“That means that in the larger equation you can be better than me.”

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Anne

Her mouth formed a wide circle of surprise. "Oh, I didn't get that originally. That is both amazing and frightening. I suppose in some ways no more different in some ways to what I am capable of doing, in the physical realm.

"Not that you and I are the same," she hurriedly added.

"I am just using comparison to understand what you are saying. This is just a big different world, all stemming from one choice that I made.

"I get that my choices are more difficult in some ways. I also get what you mean by building a better future, and potentially being better. I am just not sure I am up to making those choices and being that good. I can't predict the future. But I can hope, even if it is daunting."

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Grey:

“When taken as a whole, yes it is daunting. Yet you do not make decisions as a whole, you make them one at a time. You can’t make all of your future choices now, you just make the choices in front of you, deal with the consequences and move on to the next one.”

She makes a walking motion with her fingers.

“If you keep taking one step at a time you’ll find while each step didn’t take you that far, after you have completed a batch of them, you’ve gone somewhere. Don’t concentrate on being good or bad. Concentrate on being Anne, and making that be something you can live with.”

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Anne

"That was exactly the point of the name change, a new identity by choice. I completely get the idea of life as a journey. It is one of the few pieces of religion I learned about that totally works for me. Really to me that is one of the selling points of religion. A set of beliefs that one can espouse to, as kind of a guideline.

"Too bad in the religions of the past we are really different figures. It means that we make the choices that drive religions, not necessarily follow them.

"I am ok with that too. I just want to be a god that is remembered for good things rather than villainy." Her last sentence was said very soft voice reaffirming the thoughts behind her most recent statements.

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Grey

“It is unwise to separate yourself from the world and look down on it like a god. It’s worse than unwise possibly. It can be dangerous. No matter the things we can do we will never be gods. We can, however, become something much less than human with frightening ease if we allow it. Witness Nyx. When you declare yourself a god for good or bad you declare that you matter more. Do you?”

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Anne

"The answer to that one is easy. No I am not a god. I don't even really want to be a god. I would wish to be born without power given a choice, but that really isn't reality is it? We have the hand we are dealt and we must play it." She shrugged.

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“The key to success lies in playing the hand you were dealt as if it were the hand you wanted. I think you can do that and not become what your mother, Nyx - what Inanna and others have become, without losing your humanity.”

She holds out a hand.

“You accept my help in doing that?”

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Anne

"I accept and appreciate it. These are choppy waters I am navigating in a frightfully small boat if you forgive the metaphor." She accepted the hand and gave it a grateful grasping shake.

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Grey

“Good.”

She pauses.

“If I were able to tell you something about your real father, would you wish to know?”

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Anne

She considered that question for more than a moment. She didn't usually give much thought to things being rather impulse oriented. However that was one of those open the box and let something out. She couldn't put it back in once she knew. Yet it would be more information even if it turned out to be something she didn't later want to know.

"Alright I will take whatever you can tell me. Though I really don't want it to be another megalomaniac." She said half jokingly.

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“That is a good question. I believe I have traced the most likely suspect, although it was not easy. Psychogen is hard to define. He - I am presuming he was originally such - is a possessor. He can control minds, inhabit them. Ride them. Sometimes, when he so chooses, permanently. He leaves traces, however. Changes those ridden. And as far as I can see, you seem to have inherited some of such. I also think he is still alive.”

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Anne

"Psychogen?" She said the name like she was seeing how it would feel in her mouth. "I don't know anything about him," she admitted honestly. "Controlling minds would be useful," she nodded thinking it.

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